If I had to come up with a title for my life it would be something like “The Girl With the Heart Wide Open” or “She Who Was Never Afraid to Love.” Because honestly, love has shaped my entire life. I’ve always completely given myself over to love. Every type of love [friendship, romantic, familial] and everything that I’ve connected myself with.
If I had to give you some of the individual chapters there’d be one called “Passionate Love.” This would be about my youngest love. I was hell-bent on being a “ride or die” chick…literally. I was going to do whatever it took to keep that love going. Until the heat died down. And our paths went separate ways. And we could no longer walk in the same direction.
Next, I’d name a chapter “Drunk In Love” which is just a clever way of saying I was in love with the feeling of being drunk. I had a lot of fun in this chapter but all those highs made me recognize how low I felt about myself.
Then there’d be a chapter called “Church Love” and subsequently a following chapter called “Church Hurt.” What once was the deepest connection to a group of people I had ever felt in my life ended up being the most painful separation I’ve ever endured. These chapters were quickly followed by “Church Redemption.” This chapter was full of love + grace and allowed me to heal. It was also marked by tons of volunteering and ultimately met with burnout. It wasn’t a perfect chapter by any means but it was exactly what I needed at that time and God knew.
But those chapters fall in between what I’d call “Unsustainable Love.” It was as good as it had the capacity to be while it lasted but my love alone wasn’t enough to keep it going. This love fully taught me what I deserve in love that I’ve yet to experience + opened my mind to the possibilities that exist in love that I discounted myself from. And in this chapter was a subchapter called “Complete Love.” The love only a parent can understand. Love in the purest form.
Now, I’m in a beautiful chapter called “Self Love.” For the first time in my life the most important love in my life [other than the little human that’s completely dependent on me] is the love I have for myself. And I’m indulging in it in every single way. And it feels amazing. And it’s magical. And I love it here ✨