on moving forward + strength

i remember the day life as I knew it shattered so vividly

it was sudden and all at once

i remember feeling like I had to go far + fast

so I did

then I remember feeling like I had to stop + scream

so I did that too

i felt like I was dying.

and the noise that escaped from within me sounded as if I were too.

i needed someone.

but not just anybody- my sister.

she heard the sound I was spewing uncontrollably and immediately begin to cry too.

because she knew the sound of death.

we’d been through it many times before.

i also remember the day that I knew I’d live, that I’d be okay.

it was 1.1.2019 and I was a decided woman.

i smiled + laughed.

i had hope that the end was only a beginning in disguise.

and every day since I’ve chosen to get up + thank God + be love.

i’ve chosen to extend grace + mercy even when I feel it’s undeserved.

forgiven myself + others.

dug deep to heal my wounds.

& i still force myself almost daily to face the reality of how I currently feel.

most days it’s positive + optimistic.

sometimes it’s ugly + painful.

but I acknowledge it and keep it moving.

and I think that that has made me stronger.

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