i think deeply about lessons I’ve learned throughout my life daily.
to recognize this particular one has been quite the journey.
it’s as simple as this: I’ve always wanted someone who needs me.
i came to this realization while reading Common’s new book, “Let Love Have the Last Word.”
while this book is honesty all over place, literally a collection of his seemingly random thoughts on love, I have gotten some gems from reading it.
he talked about his sessions with his therapist revealing his fear of abandonment, something he never considered he experienced as a result of his father not being physically present throughout his childhood.
now, I know this is something I’ve struggled with as well.
but it wasn’t until I thought a little deeper about what I have attracted in my life that I realized that my subconscious has been saying, “if someone literally needs you, they won’t leave you.”
which is not true.
when someone wants you, they will choose you over and over again.
but, when they consider you a necessity they will only remain until their wants overshadow their needs.
or until they don’t [feel] like they need you anymore.
think about it- even our children will one day decide that they don’t need us anymore. And we can only hope that we were good enough parents that they still want us in their lives.
if you’ve been here too, let me just say that sometimes being there for someone who needs you can mask itself as loyalty, but it’s not.
healthy relationships between adults stem from mutually beneficial partnership.
you will never achieve that in the type of relationship I am speaking of.
so evaluate every kind of relationship you have.
make sure you aren’t in anyone’s life only because they’ve gotten comfortable needing you.
you deserve to be wanted by all of your friends, partners, family, etc.
move forward out of fear, believing in your worth and knowing that you will only attract those who want to be in your life.